|
|
Post by BoNeHeD on Aug 26, 2007 14:09:10 GMT -5
Dude what's wrong with you? When you're a man, you not suppose to make jokes like "men are lava lamps" or "men are like parking spots" Homo. Truth hurts too bad you can't take a joke...btw I am comfortable in my skin and have been happily married twice...  ;D   |
|
|
|
Post by civrat on Aug 27, 2007 8:18:13 GMT -5
Dude what's wrong with you? When you're a man, you not suppose to make jokes like "men are lava lamps" or "men are like parking spots" Homo. Truth hurts too bad you can't take a joke...btw I am comfortable in my skin and have been happily married twice... ;D Can we get the wives' opinion ? |
|
|
|
Post by Don K Hotay on Aug 27, 2007 17:14:16 GMT -5
they were both trannies would it count?
|
|
|
|
Post by Retnuh on Aug 28, 2007 14:10:05 GMT -5
BURNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
|
|
|
|
|
|
Post by Retnuh on Sept 1, 2007 9:14:38 GMT -5
thats a hiliarous blonde joke.
|
|
|
|
Post by BoNeHeD on Sept 9, 2007 16:45:41 GMT -5
Living Will
Last night, my wife and I were sitting in the living room and I said to her, " I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependant on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug".
She got up and unplugged the TV and threw out my beer.
She's such a Bitch.........
|
|
|
|
Post by Retnuh on Sept 20, 2007 17:21:49 GMT -5
uve been funny before...what happened?
|
|
|
|
Post by BoNeHeD on Sept 22, 2007 18:15:35 GMT -5
Apples and Wine
Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take the apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.
Now Men.... Men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
Share this with all the good apples you know.
|
|
|
|
Post by whiplash on Sept 22, 2007 21:53:33 GMT -5
And women are like floor tiles. If you lay them right you can walk all over them for a lifetime.
|
|
|
|
Post by BoNeHeD on Sept 22, 2007 23:05:26 GMT -5
hehehe spoken like a real married man...
|
|
|
|
Post by Stormbringer on Oct 9, 2007 11:53:13 GMT -5
Here's the 'Lawyer of the Year'
Actual Questions between Lawyer and Client
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are
things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now
published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while
these exchanges were actually taking place. (Two of these attorneys became Congressmen!)
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
__________________________________________________ _____________ _____
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that
morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY:And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY:You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shittin' me?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh.... I was gettin' laid!
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
&nbs p; ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you shittin' me? Your Honour, I think I need a different
attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY:Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
____ __________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead
people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like
to rephrase that?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go
to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy on him!
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________
And the best for last:
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,
nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law
|
|
|
|
Post by nascar on Oct 26, 2007 18:05:22 GMT -5
BEST JOKE EVER
2 muffins are in the oven 1 muffin says boy it is hot in here and the other muffin says
WOW A TALKING MUFFIN
BEAT THAT
|
|
|
|
Post by Mac Daddy on Oct 27, 2007 2:35:53 GMT -5
need to beat that one with a stick
|
|
|
|
Post by Stormbringer on Oct 30, 2007 16:58:25 GMT -5
1 more blonde joke...
To prepare for his big date, a young man went to the rooftop of his apartment to work on his tan. Not wanting any tan lines, he sunbathed in the nude but fell asleep and burned his thingy.
Not wanting to miss out on his date with the hot blonde, he applied some ointment to his manhood and wrapped it in gauze. The blonde showed up at his apartment and after dinner they went into the living room to watch a movie.
During the movie, the young man’s sunburn began to hurt. After several minutes of extreme discomfort, he asked to be excused.
A friend had told him that milk was very effective in reducing sunburn pain. So he went to the kitchen, poured a tall glass of cold milk, and placed his sunburned member into the milk. He experienced immediate relief.
The blonde, wondering what the young man was doing, wandered into the kitchen and found him with his shaft fully immersed in the glass of milk. With a look of understanding the blonde exclaimed, “So that’s how you load those things!”
|
|
;D 
"Allways look on the light side of life. For life is quite ab-surd and death's the fi-nal word, you mus al-ways face the cur-tain with abow." 
