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Post by BoNeHeD on Jan 16, 2008 0:24:20 GMT -5
Subject: new virus
MEDICAL ALERT - CONTAGIOUS VIRUS
The Center for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, by hand, and even electronically.
This virus is called Weary Overload Recreational Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from your boss, any of your colleagues or anyone else via any means whatsoever - DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life completely.
If you should come into contact with WORK you should immediately leave the premises. Take two good friends to the nearest grocery store and purchase one or both of the antidotes - Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE) and Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.
You should immediately forward this medical alert to five friends. If you do not have five friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.
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Post by heroray on Jan 16, 2008 12:27:31 GMT -5
A Policeman sees a guy drive off the road and Hit a tree. When he gets to the car he asks the driver:
"Sir, Are you ok?"
The Driver replys:
"How should I know, I'm not a Lawyer"
hehe
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Post by whiplash on Jan 16, 2008 12:42:34 GMT -5
The proper response is "no, get me a lawyer".
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Post by BoNeHeD on Jan 21, 2008 17:37:29 GMT -5
A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three
Hell's Angels bikers walked in.
The first walked up to the old man and pushed his cigarette
into the old man's pie, and then he took a seat at the
counter.
The second walked up to the old man and spit into the old
man's milk, and then he took a seat at the counter.
The third walked up to the old man and turned over the old
man's plate, and then he took a seat at the counter.
Without a word of protest, the old man quietly left the
diner. Shortly thereafter, one of the bikers said to the
waitress, "Humph, not much of a man, was he?"
The waitress replied, "Not much of a truck driver, either.
He just backed his truck over three motorcycles."
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Post by Lastride on Jan 24, 2008 0:18:22 GMT -5
Funny
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Post by Avogadro on Jan 24, 2008 18:24:58 GMT -5
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Post by BoNeHeD on Jan 26, 2008 15:49:41 GMT -5
The Wisdom Of Our Time . . .
It's not whether you win or lose,
but how you place the blame.
You are not drunk
if you can lie on the floor
without holding on.
We have enough youth.
How about a fountain of "smart"?
The original point and click interface
was a Smith & Wesson.
A fool and his money
can throw one hell of a party.
when blondes have more fun
do they know it?
Five days a week my body is a temple.
The other two it's an amusement park.
LEARN FROM YOUR PARENTS' MISTAKES
USE BIRTH CONTROL
money isn't everything,
but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
Don't Drink and Drive
You might hit a bump and spill something.
If at first you don't succeed
skydiving is not for you.
Reality is only an illusion
that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.
Time's fun when you're having flies.
......Kermit the Frog
We are born naked, wet and hungry.
Then things get worse.
Red meat is not bad for you
Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
Ninety-nine percent of all lawyers
give the rest a bad name.
One good thing about Alzheimer's is
you get to meet new people every day.
Friends don't let friends
take ugly people home.
Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge
to produce reproductive organs.
Alabama state motto:
At least we're not Mississippi
Gaseous clouds have been detected around Uranus.
ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE IS NO MATCH FOR NATURAL STUPIDITY.
GUN CONTROL: using both hands
The more I learn about terrorism,
the more I understand the phone company.
The latest survey shows that three out of four people make
up 75% of the population
Calling an illegal alien an "undocumented immigrant"
is like calling a drug dealer an "unlicensed pharmacist ".
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Post by BoNeHeD on Jan 27, 2008 22:49:00 GMT -5
Phone Call From Ernesto The Caretaker:
"Hello, Captain Lucky? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house."
"Ah, yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"
"Um, I am just calling to advise you, Senor, that your dog died.
"My dog? Dead? The one that won the International competition?"
"Si, Senor, that's the one."
"Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that dog. "What did he die from?"
"From eating rotten meat, Senor."
Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?"
"Nobody, Senor. He ate the meat of the dead horse."
"Dead horse? What dead horse?"
"The thoroughbred, Senor Lucky. He died from all that work pulling the water cart"
"Are you insane? What water cart?"
"The one we used to put out the fire, Senor."
"Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?"
"The one at your house, Senor! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire."
"What the --!!! But there's electricity at the house!!! What was the candle for?"
"For the funeral, Senor."
"WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL?!"
"Your wife's, Senor... She showed up one night out of the blue and I thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your new Tiger Woods Nike Driver."
SILENCE...
"Ernesto, if you broke that driver you're in deep shit!"
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Post by DANGEROUS on Jan 30, 2008 11:59:29 GMT -5
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Post by BoNeHeD on Jan 30, 2008 15:07:01 GMT -5
ROTFLMMFAO!!!!! 10/10 I NEVER LAUGHED SO MUCH WHEN READING A POST! I HAVE TEARS IN MY EYES! 11/10 MORE HUMOR LIKE THIS IS NEEDED PLEASE! OMG OMG THIS IS TOO FN FUNNY!
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Post by DANGEROUS on Jan 30, 2008 15:27:05 GMT -5
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Post by DANGEROUS on Jan 30, 2008 15:35:25 GMT -5
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Post by DANGEROUS on Jan 30, 2008 15:41:42 GMT -5
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Post by BoNeHeD on Jan 30, 2008 17:01:30 GMT -5
lol 12/10 more more more!!!
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Post by DANGEROUS on Jan 31, 2008 16:45:32 GMT -5
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